Sitting in the doctors office, focusing on the oddly colored tile on the floor. I hear the words being spoken but can't seem to be able to bring my self to look up. Instead the ugly, stained, dull floor is what sparks my interest over the answers I've waited a little over 3 months in search for. 3 months...and still not a pure enough answer that I'm willing to accept. The returning thoughts of this whole mess being hopeless once again return to my complex way of thinking...
I was told that I should keep a medical journal of everything I am going threw. I thought that would only be a waste of time and a joke. No doctor made any of what I've been going threw worth anything, anymore. I felt like just another dollar, just another case, just another patient. But as if prescribed I started a journal and in doing so I realized what I'm going threw is not only hard for me but the people around me. I find hope in the smallest things in life. In a way its what keeps me going. If you know anything about me, you'd know I'm afraid of opening up ...or lets face it fear of rejection alone is enough to eat someone alive. I've always been private and let the truth eat me alive. In starting this blog I hope that my final entry will be a positive out come of what I'll over come in the next few months or year. I was told today not to give up because I gave someone else hope. That made the medicine, getting sick and fighting this illness completely worth every second of it. Just to hear that I positively impacted someone elses life. It kinda makes you feel like you do actually matter. And all I can really say to that is wow...I'm speechless. So in writing this blog or attempting to make a blog I hope that it will allow me to get off my chest what I am going threw and so I can look back on the tough days and see that there is more to life. To not only give myself hope and motivation but others also.
I don't know the first thing about blogging so bare with me....oh and I should mention, I'm not a great writer by any means.
I think you're insanely good at writing babe and I think that opening up will get easier once you figure it out in your own head. Lots of times I've not had something come full circle til I write it out. I think if you keep writing, it gets easier and it gets more helpful.
xoxo