So yesterday was my second week of the treatment. It didn't hit me until 12ish at night during a movie. The smell of peanut better mnms completely threw my stomach off. From there on in the rest of the night and threw out all of today, it was nothing but getting sick over and over again. It felt like one big hangover that no matter what I did or tried just wouldn't go away. During moments like this, I start viewing life in the worse way possible. The rolling and stained thoughts in my mind of "when is enough, enough", "will this ever go away", "will i ever be healthy again", "what is this treatment going to do to my body", "...and i just want to be normal" are the only thoughts and questions that run threw my mind day in and day out. Feeling helpless and alone were never a good combo for me, well let alone anyone.

 Tonight I had a very serious convo with the most amazing man alive (my boyfriend). This was the first time I ever actually stopped talking and listened to exactly what he was saying. After this convo I have never felt so close or loved by anyone. It literally brings tears to my eyes thinking about how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life. For me being completely sick as I am, he never complains. He'd rather spend time with me on bed rest then go out with his friends. I've never met a more caring person. And he gives me hope...and lots of it. I feel that I have to push my self threw this mess just for his sake alone. Forcing myself to get out of bed, attempting to eat, showering and actually wearing jeans not comfy pants and actually wearing make up is alot of time, work, and energy when your under going the treatments I am. But by me forcing myself to look half way descent for him when he'd tell me he could careless, helps me in a way. In a small sense its me still fighting this and not letting this take over every aspect of my life. There is no doubt in my mind that he is my future husband. I honestly don't know how I'd get threw all this with out him being by my side every step of the way. 

I guess I never really opened my eyes up enough to realize what I had in front of me the entire time. I have always loved him and I always will I just never saw how much he has changed my life for the better until tonight. I truly feel blessed to have such a special person in my life. He saves me from myself.