I haven't wrote anything in what feels like weeks. I've just been so busy and sick with everything I barely get a chance to do anything anymore. So lets make this short and sweet and painless as possible. I'm sick. I keep feeling and getting sicker. I'm feeling the lows in life once again. The pain I am feeling is unbareable at times, forcing me to stay in bed. I'm learning its hard to stand for long periods of times, well more like 20 to 30 mins or so. This is becoming very painful for some reason. It makes my insides actually throb as strange as that sounds. The past week I've been going threw a lot of strange symptoms. Some so unsure as to what they mean I'm currently not comfortable talking about it online. I miss being a healthy person. Being able to do what I want, when I want. Living without having to plan my entire day out. I don't think people realize how good they truly have it. Being healthy is one of the most amazing gifts God could ever grant you with and soo many people I see daly take that for granite. I just want to shake them and open their eyes up.
I was trying yoga for a while but once again my health proved me other wise. Yoga (even basic) has become extremly painful for me. My body attacking itself again I guess you could say. Lately I've been trying to think about how to explain what its like being sick and living everyday life the way I do to a healthy person. Other then saying I feel extremly ill and I'm in constant pain and I take medication like its my job. hahaaa I really don't know. But I think that would make some things easier if I knew how to explain my self.
Something that has been bothering me a lot lately is when people say "I feel like I'm dieing", "I'm unimaginably sick", over a regular cold or pain. I just want to say and what do you think anyone who is sick goes threw on a normal bases. Welcome to my life now times that by 10. I think not writing for a while I bottled up a lot of emotion inside from the pressure I face everyday.
Slowly I'm losing everything that has once made me, me. I feel pathetic admitting to that. I just can't believe my beloved yoga is now a thing of the past. I just want to do anything and everything to get better. Which I literally mean...meaning tomorrow is a whole new session of a brand new treatment. My god I am scared out of my mind right now for this. A million thoughts keep racing threw my head. What if's, why's, how's and when. There just so much I want to learn and know. I'm sick of my body being a trial and error tester. Oh what I would give to be healthy and normal and to actually be able to live this beautiful life that God has given me.
Well so much for making this short and sweet. But its time I attempt to get some sleep I have the doctors early in the am. Night.
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