The past weekend has ranged from being a nightmare to actually seeing the light of a situation. During the past week with being sick nonstop and being moody it caused a lot of different situations. Needless to say the problems are over and the relationship I feel is stronger then ever. As far as medically speaking it has been a nightmare. I am sick to death of throwing up.
I'm finding that I'm actually starting to hate when people who aren't familiar with my situation as much as the people close to me ask me whats wrong or whats going on medically for me. I just feel loss of words and get frustrated. I just want to blurt out how theres so much wrong, nothing is right, i'm sick every day and i have no modivation to even get out of bed most days. i want break down and explain how clueless the doctors are how many medications i'm on daily. what tests i had done and for what. there is just sooooooooo much to my case that explaining what is "going on" in a few sentences doesn't even begin to describe it. Most of the time I find myself just saying, I've just been feeling really sick and they still have no idea on it. Even though its hard for me not to explain why I complain so much and speak daily of pain. It's easier for them not to know the ugly truth.
Back to this weekend...
After a week of being sick every single day Saturday came. Taste of Buffalo I had to work. I worked my normal scheduled time from 10 to 2 feeling ill every moment of the way (not to mention the smells of food didn't help at all). After my shift was over I was determinded to get out of there and rest up asap. Well ASAP turned into an hour looking for my car all alone wanting to throw up any minute walking in down town Buffalo. I even came across a few cops who completely looked at me like I was stupid and pointed me in the complete wrong direction. To find out the whole time my parking garage (which i knew what st. i was looking for the whole time) was only a block over. By 40 minutes in my legs started killing. My bad knee was aching and for the first time ever my left hip bone and knee started throbbing like my bad knee. By this time I just wanted to lay down. I knew either I sit down for a few minutes and hope I'll be able to make it back up and have enough energy to get to my car or I fight the pain and keep going. Needless to say about 5 minutes later I broke down in complete tears of frustration, and pain with every step I took. I was all alone with no one to help me or support me. I eventually found my car and had to wait before I could even get enough energy and concentration to drive. I was in such pain from both legs I couldn't even believe it was happening. After icing and pain pills the pain went away some what to be able to move around again.
Saturday night/Sunday morning was another case of doing nothing but vomiting. Real Classy. As far as my pain is concerned for today now both my left knee and right knees are hurting. It feels like every muscle in my body is aching right now. Even though I planned on going to bed early today, that once again didn't happen. Mentally I am completely wake, Physically I know I need to go to bed now. Chronic pain doesn't hold off for anyone, it lets you know when you messed up. So like I planned at 9 pm now being 11:30 pm. It is time for bed finally.
PS. I truly have the most amazing boyfriend possible. After this weekend it all makes sense :o) He is who keeps me going every day getting dressed (in real clothes) and trying to keep upbeat and happy. I'm so lucky.
I'm listening.